Tuesday, January 02, 2007

Why My Wife Loves Me

Sometimes I feel like I'm living a lie. I'm finally coming out, er, clean. I hate sports. I don't know the first thing about football. Or basketball. Or fantasy foosball. I've lived with this secret for as long as I can remember.

For my entire life people have engaged me with questions like, "Dude, did you see Lebron James hit that homerun for the Jaguars last night?" No. No, I didn't.

Yesterday in Boston, a guy at the airport ticket counter asked me if I was going to Phoenix "to see the big game." I mumbled something about having to work then let my voice trail off in quiet embarassment. Could he smell the stink of my deceit? If I had the slightest idea of what "big game" he was referencing, maybe I could have mustered up a believable excuse.*

But I have tried. Oh, how I have tried. I'll watch MLB's League Championships and The World Series. I have even lingered on a hockey game and a NASCAR race. And I've always enjoyed playing sports. But even the sports I have played, and played with some degree of talent, I might add, can be fairly categorized as weird: waterpolo, ping pong, and ultimate frisbee.

I have learned to hide my sporting obtuseness. I can usually ask a harmless follow-up question that will preserve my facade without leading to additional conversation. So if you're discussing the "big game" last night and I am smiling and nodding politely, chances are I have no idea what you are talking about. I don't even know what channel ESPN is on.

*Turns out he was wondering if I was going to the Fiesta Bowl. On the flight home I was thinking about his inquiry and the only "big game" I knew of was the Superbowl, over a year away.

Ed. Note: These people really don't like sports. I actually wish I liked sports. Life would be easier that way.


Mike said...

It's too bad you missed the Fiesta Bowl. I'm not a sports fan too, but that game was FANTASTIC!

To tell you the truth.. in the last few minutes, it rose above being just a game, but a battle of wills. It became personal.

Anonymous said...

You are wicked pathetic. Get out of the closet already!

Anonymous said...

I can relate. I'm the same way. I always duck sports conversations because I don't know what to say. The superbore is the only "big game" I'm aware of too! And I also don't know what channel ESPN is on. When I hear people talk sports, it's like, Damn, how did they learn so much about it?! But I don't care now. I won't change. I just have to face up to 'em and let 'em know, Hey! I don't watch sports! I don't know what the heck you're talking about!

Anonymous said...

Ha ha! Thanks for your brilliant blog. I'm a guy who hates wathcing sports too and those embarrasing questions are all too familiar! Ironically, I'm a "man's man", go to gym every day and am phyically very fit, while the guys asking the sports questions are usually out of shape. While I mumble through my sports ignorance, I keep in mind that on Saturday afternoons while they watch sports, probably without their women, I'm usually getting it on with my wife of 14 years. I think that's way WAY better than watching sports on TV!!

Anonymous said...

We are a nation of couch potatoes. I love playing sports but think watchers ought to get a life. Good for you!

Migz623 said...

I feel like I've just stumbled across a long lost relative. I don't know if I hate sports or not. But I do know this; I don't CARE for sports at all. I like watching big games when the guys are getting together sometimes. But I couldn't care less about the game itself.

I find it amusing (and sad) that far too many men out there think talking about these athletic men somehow makes them more manly. Wouldn't it actually be the opposite? I much prefer time with my wife or kids (or even friends) than wasting time and money on sports. I enjoy women far too much to be obsessing over men on the television. lol.

I grew up watching a lot of football (just to fit in). However, when I grew up, I no longer saw the need to pretend. Bottom line: it sucks.

I always suspected there were many others like me (even those who still pretend to like sports) out there. However, I was beginning to think I was the only one who was open about this.


Anonymous said...

Hello everyone...what an interesting site!
I need help. My wonderful boyfriend loves sports...plays ultimate frisbee, watches football, likes to listen to baseball on the radio and watch baseball games on tv, is in a fantasy baseball group, and watches basketball on tv too. I am interested in the arts, culture, reading, getting my PhD in psychology. The thing is, he is an amazing person... kind, loving, has my back, really emotionally in tune and connected with me...a kind of connection I have never experienced before. And then, when the sports thing comes up - him wanting to watch it or listen to it when we are together - its really really hard for me b/c I don't enjoy it (I CAN do basketball on tv or an occasional live baseball game)...does anyone have any *thoughtful* feedback on this? I don't know what to do...I've thought about "embracing" some of these sports, but it is probably my least favorite activity!