Thursday, January 26, 2006

Isn't He Adorable?

Today's topic is scorpions. No, not these guys, although they can truly rock you in a manner similar to a cyclonic sub-tropical depression.

Apparently scorpions can survive for long periods without food or water. What if all those scorpions encased in acrylic are still alive? I might saw mine open to see. If he is alive after spending his life on a Wal-Mart shelf and then my desk, he certainly deserves to roam free on the desert floor.

In the interest of accuracy, I will seek to confirm two rumors:
1. Cats can and will eat scorpions with no problems.
2. Cats are immune to scorpions.
My cursory research says both are not entirely true. I'll post my findings in a future article. Until then, shake out your shoes.

Saturday, January 21, 2006

All My Friends Know The Low Rider

If you drive some sort of gas-guzzling monster truck, please stop reading. You'll only want to drive your truck-a-saurus over me. If you drive a normal, legal, vehicle, keep reading.

Hypothesis: If you spend big bucks to raise the suspension of your truck/jeep/SUV/Humvee/golf cart into the ionosphere, you probably don't spend your weekends at Mensa meetings. I have observed the drivers of these highway behemoths and developed an equation that will calculate the IQ of the driver based on the lifted height of the truck:

IQ = -4.7059L + 104.74 where L is lifted height in inches up to 18 inches

Try it. Then find out what IQ means and what these people do for a living. "Slow, simple, and supervised?" What are you doing driving a massive 4x4?
PS- If you do drive a monster truck and read this far, I apologize for using big confusing words.

Sunday, January 08, 2006

Happy Birthday, Ryno!

A day late. At least you can now (legally) enjoy a hangover. The cure they overlooked: start drinking again.